My previous international experience gave me a lot of experience and insights. There were many colourful moments, experiments, different people, adventures, and traveling. Zagreb was also like this… in the beginning. It was new, friendly, exciting, and laid-back. But then something changed. Instead of finding and getting involved, I started losing and getting detached. What attracted and inspired me became irrelevant, former future plans – uninteresting. I had planned to acquire new skills and knowledge, instead I started getting rid of everything I could, which is often not that easy and pleasant. What I cannot be without? What’s the essential part here? How long can I run away from the most important and difficult questions?
Yes, it’s so much easier to trick myself with a new entertainment: a new country, job, project, trip… Just keep going, don’t stop. Where haven’t I been yet? It’s a tempting solution, which works for a few months. But then… sooner or later I have to face the scariest thing – myself. And this is something that cannot be escaped on another continent, hidden under a palm on a paradise island, or tricked with a new lifestyle. It’s always there. And there’s no good vocation, healthy relations, and nice evenings without inner peace.
“If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.” ― Marvin Gaye
So, I won’t write here about beautiful islands, challenging mountain paths, or metropolitan cities. Yet. Because this is a trip into myself.
“Not till we are lost, in other words not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Slowly, from abolition and ejection, my way moved towards the deepest and the most valued things. Something that is not to be postponed anymore. And this’s another story…